Post PhD Confirmation blues

Well as mentioned in my last post I was preparing my report and presentation slides for my upcoming PhD Confirmation... which I have now completed! But, all is not as pleasing as I thought it would be.

As my last post alluded to, the report and presentation slides required for my Confirmation were quite substantial, taking up a considerable amount of time and effort to complete. In hindsight I now concede that it was actually quite an invaluable experience as it forced me to really clarify my research much further than I had previously.

After much preparation the presentation day finally came, and thankfully I presented very well indeed. I believe I spoke quite clearly and concisely, my slides looked good, and by the end the audience (of around 20 people) appeared to comprehend my research quite well despite not being in the same field. I got the usual round of questions afterwards; some from researchers questioning some of the technical aspects, some from random people who simply seem set out to ask the trickiest question that they can think of in an attempt to put you on the spot, and then a few from the panel members. Overall I answered quite strongly (except for one question), and I felt pretty good about the ordeal.

Following question time came the feedback from the panel, which while was mostly positive, there was of course some constructive criticism they wanted to share. For some reason hearing them critic my work hit me quite hard. Really hard actually. The criticism wasn't even that damning really, it was mostly about scope where they felt that as it currently stands I risk running out of time, therefore they requested that I narrow my research down and clarify my planned methodology further. Yet despite the fact that criticism was to be expected, and that the criticism that I did receive was fair and I certainly still passed the Confirmation process, for some reason it just felt... quite demoralizing to say the least.

Everyone congratulated me afterwards, especially a group of friends who had sneaked in to watch without my knowledge. While I smiled and shook hands, on the inside I was conflicted. All that work put in to the report, to the presentation, to the last year of effort, only to receive yet even more criticism... I don't know. It didn't help when a few of the senior lecturers had even more feedback to give the following day. Nor does it help that my supervisors criticize my every step on a weekly basis anyway. Am I even making progress? What if I my results never actually lead to anything? Am I simply out of my depth and not cutout for academic pursuits? The doubts were forming.

I guess I am just taking it too hard for no reason, and that I should still feel proud for completing such an important milestone. Criticism is built into the academic culture really, so I should be used to it by now. Which I am. I certainly did not go into that presentation room expecting a standing ovation at the end (although, you know, it wouldn't hurt).

In a way I guess it kind of further highlighted to me the enormity of this journey, where despite your best efforts your work still isn't perfect, or anywhere near complete, nor will it perhaps be truly any of those two. Is this just one of those moments that you are meant to pick yourself up and learn from?

In light of the above I have decided to take a few weeks break from PhD at the moment, just until I can recover a little and get my mindset sorted. For a while I was questioning even continuing on... something I have still not truly decided upon yet. We shall see.

Upcoming PhD confirmation

This coming February will be my official 1-year mark of my PhD, and as expected the time has absolutely flown. As I alluded to in my last post my one-year PhD Confirmation is coming up in a few weeks time, something that is required of all PhD candidates and is a fairly significant milestone of the journey.

To complete your Confirmation you essentially have to show convincingly to a panel of members that after one-year of candidature you have:
- A relevant motivation and background research

- Identified a meaningful way to contribute new knowledge to your chosen field, either by filling a current gap in knowledge or enhancing existing knowledge

- Expressed your research objective and questions you plan to answer

- Detailed a methodology on how you plan to actually answer your research questions

- Estimated and planned a timeline on when all this will take place

This will be presented in the form of a report, and then a 20 minute presentation to the panel. Yay! Due to my extremely poor time commitment skills, combined with my uncontrollable tendency for perfection at times, my report was about 5 days late and way longer than required. I woefully underestimated how long it would take to complete, originally thinking I could do it within 4 or 5 days, when in reality it took more like 11. In the end my supervisors still aren't 100% happy with it despite my best attempts to be as detailed as possible and the fact that I added much more detail than I ever intended.

Negatives aside, it was actually one of the best experiences of my PhD thus far. I mean that honestly too. Submitting late wasn't a big deal, and the less than stellar review by my supervisors is nothing new either (they critique even the best written research papers so I can never win anyway). In the end the late nights were worth it, as I ended up creating a report much detailed than I intended, and while it may seem like a waste of time as the report did not need to be so detailed, all this extra information can now form a good basis for my first few chapters of my thesis. This start on my thesis is something I wouldn't have accomplished if not under the threat of the report deadline.

But the most beneficial outcome of having my Confirmation in a few weeks is that it forces you to clarify your entire research, from the motivation, to the questions, even down to a estimated timeline of how your remaining years of candidature will progress. All this is now in a document that I can refer back to in later months, I now have a clearer definition of all my research, and I actually have a brief idea of the direction I am going to take over the next few years.

I originally viewed Confirmation as a drag. It took so much time away from me, time I thought I could be spending doing more on my literature review, or even on other work I need to do. Now that it is written... well I guess hindsight is a jerk.

My presentation isn't for a few weeks so I have some time to prepare my slides, but I am going into it much more confident than before at least.

10 months in

Hmm, I seemed to have started this blog quite ambitiously, with the goal to 'post regularly' in mind. The break between posts is just a tad long.

I am roughly 10 months into my PhD now, and I am currently within the break between Christmas and New Year's Eve. I am meant to be relaxing and enjoying the break, but as a PhD student you kind of forget how to.

So where am I currently at? Much change and progress has occurred since my last post back in June, however never as much as I would like to see, nor how much I planned to have done either. A few weeks ago I found out that my Confirmation* is February 2nd and I nearly had a panic attack, convinced that I had done no where near enough work to be prepared in time! When my supervisor found out that Confirmation was coming up shortly I was expecting a 'tough talk' that he gives sometimes in regards to putting more effort in... instead he was the complete opposite, and was quite confident that the work we have achieved thus far would be more than adequate.

This is a bit of a theme that I have noticed of late... I myself am continually questioning the quality and quantity of my work, yet my supervisor never appears very disappointed about either. I trust his opinion immensely, so if he seems okay, then I should learn to be okay also. Well, attempt to!

My last post vaguely alluded to the fact that I had finally settled upon a topic, something which I will elaborate upon in another post. 6 months after choosing my topic, I have to say it has stood up well to the test of time. I am seeing its potential for future opportunities more and more, and still find it quite interesting (especially since it is a field that I am not familiar with at all).

Despite being 10 months in I still don't feel like a proper PhD student. I still struggle to keep my attention span in check, I am still yet to find any proper routine, and my progress seems quite slow (I am yet to finish my Literature Review paper). Some of my PhD peers appear to be almost machine-like in their ability to power through reading of papers, pump out published papers, clarify their research topics... while I'm still struggling to answer the question "So what's your research about" without the word "ummm...", and I'm probably procrastinating with something, like learning to juggle.

But I guess this goes back to what I said above, that perhaps I don't give myself enough credit. Confidence is something that I need to build over the next few months, especially as I will be moving into my second year of candidature soon.

Overall I guess it hasn't been too bad of a journey thus far. In fact, it has been a bit of a breeze. I have been working part-time the entire year so I guess I never really treated the PhD as 'full-time' like I was meant to, but this suits me well as it ensures that I don't get bored of it too easily. Will keep on keeping on I guess!

I'm not kidding about the juggling either. Since starting my PhD, I have now learned how to juggle... I guess that can be one of the skills I acquired during this journey, hopefully it looks good on the CV!


*Confirmation is a milestone of your PhD that occurs around one-year after your commencement date. You must gather all your findings from your Literature Review phase, and give a presentation of your finding to a panel of academics, highlighting what your topic is, what research questions you are aiming to focus on, and a brief plan and timeline on how you expect to achieve this over your remaining years. You are unable to continue your PhD candidature unless your Confirmation is successful.

Today I officially chose my PhD topic (kind of)

Today was the day where I approached my PhD supervisors and finally declared what my intended topic for my PhD is going to be. This has been quite the process due to my indecisive nature and my tendency to be interested in far too many things at once!

The topic is loosely defined as the study of the "utilization of smartphones for the diagnosing or monitoring of medical conditions or symptoms". More on this in the future.

On one hand I am quite jittery with excitement now that I have a much clearer direction on where I am going to be heading for the next couple of months, with even grandeur ideas coming into focus of where I might be heading even in the next few years! This excitement is somewhat lessened however, because with equal amounts of excitement comes equal parts fear, but alas I guess that is what this journey is all about.

The revealing of my chosen topic was quite funny actually, due to the unexpected and uncharacteristic reactions of my two supervisors. For the last month I have been in debate between two fields of interests, both revolved around 'smartphones'. My supervisor (who is fantastic) did have a few reservations in regards to one of the topic options, but assured me that ultimately it is my decision, and that he would support me either way. Today was the deadline for when I had to finally commit to a field of study.

I met with my two supervisors and immediately upon seeing them I could see a bit of tension in their faces as they were quite eager to hear of which pathway I had decided to go for. I decided to just get it out there.

"Hey guys, ok I will cut straight to the chase... I have decided to go with the medical conditions option"

Upon hearing the news they broke out into a round of applause and joyous laughter! Despite their neutral attitudes to my decision making process, they both secretly desperately hoped I would go for that topic over the other one!

This was quite reassuring to me as it in a way feels that I have made a good choice, but at the same time it does add a bit more pressure that I must perform well and produce good outcomes. Alas, that can be dealt with along the way.

Today, I have my topic. Now I just need my research question...

PhD Beginnings: Finding a supervisor

I am officially at the 4 month mark thus far, but I have noticed a few common themes and questions that seem to arise whenever I am talking about PhD with somebody around me, those being; who is my supervisor, what is my topic, and why did I choose to do a PhD. While the second and third topic are quite a difficult question to answer at this stage (does it ever truly become easy?), the first one has somehow worked out quite well and is definitely something I would like to share (especially for those who have not yet chosen one).

I have talked to a large number and variety of fellow new PhD students at my University, and my initial assumption was that supervisors are generally rather similar to each other, regardless of your field of research. This however appears to be quite the contrary, with each supervisor seeming to fall somewhere along a huge spectrum.

On one side of the spectrum it appears you can have a supervisor who is so distant that you have to pester them for even a general meeting, let alone regular status updates and guidance sessions. This was so surprising to hear, as that to me sounds simply terrifying for a new PhD student! On the other end of the spectrum I have heard of supervisors who want to meet numerous times every single week, with weekly reports on your progress, with critiques on that progress, all even within the first few weeks, which again sounds equally terrifying!

Thankfully my supervisor falls closer to the 'request weekly progress reports' side, but without the grueling critiques, which is great. When starting out I was always given the usual advice of 'find a supervisor who is an expert in your field', which for most seemed to be the most important aspect of all.

I do not agree with this however. While my supervisor is an extremely smart individual, them being an expert in my field I feel is not what makes him such a great supervisor for me. It really comes down to how well we work together. I look up to him, his research, and ideas, and this in turns allows me trust his advice and take on board anything he suggests for me to do. He in turn seems to understand me too, and knows when to push and when to sit back. This, I feel, is vastly more beneficial for me than his reputation, intelligence, or how strict/relaxed he may be.

Remember, you're spending the next 3 years with this person!

Goals

Sometime over 2014 I suddenly started working towards accomplishing some goals I have always had. Not that this is a particularly new thing however, as all my life I have been constantly been working to achieve things, but for the first time ever I am actually sticking with them with rigor.

This has (awesomely) carried into 2015 it appears, so I wanted to list them down for charities sake:
- Have an app on the AppStore
I have been writing computer code for probably 7 years now, yet in all that time I have never actually finished any of my hobby projects to a point where they could be released (my work ones I finish of course). Why not? Distractions really. A constant array of 'oh this project is so awesome!... until the next idea comes along'.

This year however I have 2 fantastic ideas that I want to release once and for all.

- Continue my tradition of traveling overseas every single year
For the last 5 years in a row I traveled overseas at some point in each year. Travel is my biggest passion by far (with video games a close second), and I want to adhere to that tradition above all else. There is no greater thing in life than a good work-life balance.

- Continue (and eventually master) French learning
I am about to begin my 2nd year of French class. It isn't an extensive course, just 1 night a week during the school terms. There is no homework, or exams, and it really is for your own enjoyment. But despite all that, I really do want to do well, and actually for a change stick with it!

- Get fitter and healthier
Thankfully I already have pretty good healthy habits. I never drink soft drink or processed meats (ham, bacon, salami), rarely have sweets, and my only unhealthy habits are when I drink alcohol, eat chips (my favourite food), and have fast-food, but all of those are not too often either. Oh, but worst of all is the fact that being in IT requires you to sit at a desk at length, something which is terrible for you.

This year I want to increase my health efforts with more regular exercise, and even less alcohol and fast-food than before. To be honest I often put all my effort to stay in shape simply to attract girls, but now... I think I am finally realizing that it should more be for your self, and your own health.

- Go well at PhD
I can not truly tell you why I joined a PhD program (as I don't even know that answer myself), or what exactly I want to get out of it. But for some reason here I am, so I am going to make the most of it. A big goal I have already set myself is to publish enough papers so that I can be sent to a conference in a country of my choosing.

So there we have it. The framework for 2015 (and beyond). Let's do this.

Welcome

Welcome... reader? Mostly just welcome to myself, until perhaps a reader or two may stop by from time to time, but this is my first ever post on my brand new blog so I figure I have to start somewhere.

It is currently April, 2015, and this is the year that I for some reason decided to embark on completing a PhD. Yay? In actual fact I officially commenced my PhD back on February 9th, but it took until April to finally decide on a blog title, think about what I want to write about, and then to actually go ahead and start writing. Which I hope is not a precursor on how the next 3 years will be like...

I've actually been a blogger for years now, it is a huge passion of mine. To read other peoples' experiences about all aspects of life can be such a powerful, motivational, and inspirational opportunity that I would like to recommend to everybody. PhD is meant to be one of those 'life experiences' that you hear about (so I've heard) so being able to blog about it, but more importantly to be able to read about it on other peoples blogs, was certainly not to be missed.

So the idea behind this blog is hopefully to document the journey that is PhD, and of course be able to share my world a little bit with others too. My field of study is Information Technology, therefore I will of course enjoy writing about the area and any related projects I am working on. And then once I eventually decide once and for all what my PhD topic is all about (coming soon!) then the hope is that writing about it here will perhaps benefit others, but also benefit myself by having it all written down.

My first two months have been... different. I was not sure what to expect to be honest. In the end though I guess one must simply hope that they do indeed reach the end, and they can look back at those first few months with great fondness, realizing that that is where it all began.